The Newest Mommy War: Co-Sleeping & SIDS

by Shel Lyons

Published January 28, 2009 @ 01:28PM PT

When "Mommy Wars" originated, it related to the disputes between work at home mothers and stay at home mothers. Then came the Mommy Wars on breastfeeding, which was just fueled again by The Washington Post on Monday, finding that moms who don't breastfeed are more likely to neglect their children.

One of the main weapons of the "war" is the use of misinformation and misleading statistics. Most women agree that a mom's choice to either work or not work often has more to do with the financial situation of the household (either they can't afford to stay at home, or they can't afford childcare) and less to do with personal choice. Even when it is a personal choice, however, mothers' have earned a right to make that decision to go to work (as men have done for centuries) or stay at home. A young infant (under one year) has some attachment difficulties if they are in daycare for longer than 20 hours per week, but there are many options for that first year, including a nanny, a relative, or the father. Similarly, moms are starting to understand that while breastfeeding is better, some mothers cannot handle the emotional, mental, and physical effort exclusive breastfeeding requires, and are more caring moms because they recognized their limits - a reality that is often misunderstood.

Lately, it looks like a new war is brewing about co-sleeping. Despite the fact that co-sleeping has been successful for centuries throughout Asia, Africa, and South America, as well as many parts of Europe and North America, suddenly moms are being are warned that it is causing infant deaths.

This of course begs the question: are co-sleeping moms (myself included) presenting daily dangers to their infants?

The Washington Post reported in an article titled More Accidental Infant Deaths Blamed on Suffocation in Bed in the first line, "Even while the rate of sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS) in the United States has declined, the rate of infant deaths from accidental suffocation in bed has quadrupled, a new study reports." The author of the study is then quoted: "‘The safest sleep environment for an infant is one that's close to the parent on a separate sleep surface,' said study author Carrie K. Shapiro-Mendoza, an epidemiologist in the division of reproductive health at the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. However, on page two of the article, there is more information: "It seems that medical examiners or coroners seem to be moving away from SIDS as a diagnosis and more likely to report suffocation as the cause of death,' said Shapiro-Mendoza."

The article should have been titled Reclassification of SIDS Gives False Alarm on Co-Sleeping. The truth is that worldwide research has shown the safety of co-sleeping, such as significantly reducing the risk of SIDS. Besides the risks by not co-sleeping, co-sleeping has many benefits, such as fulfilling the emotional needs of their babies.

The truth is that mothers are working hard to get past constant misinformation.  Even when mothers make decisions to stay-at-home despite their Harvard Law School degrees (a la First Lady/Mom-in-Chief Michelle Obama) or breastfed despite scientific advancements in infant formula, or co-sleep despite these campaigns (paid for and supported by crib manufacturers), let's respect them and end the mommy wars.