Good points made but the supposed power of the caregiver of the children is not very recognized outside the front door. There is emotional power but the tax departments of most countries look at the role as lesser, dependant, subservient.  I am grateful to the gay rights movement for daring to challenge that assumption because clearly there is a sense of equality, interdependency and respect there.  In many heterosexual couples we see the same functional sharing of finances, with sometimes the man in charge but often the woman actually handling the accounting but governments are often blind to that sharing.  The 'change' we need is to value both roles, the earner of higher income and the earner of lower or no income for the couple thinks they are equal and so should the tax department.
The term 'wife' is very controversial. In traditional marriage vows to now pronounce someone 'man and wife' this made 'wife ' sound like a possession while man was stand-alone. Now we say husband and wife or in the case of gay marriages some variation but the relationship is defined instead of just gender. How can we change the social status of the lower earner? By changing the word 'work' to include unpaid labor, by talking not of working mothers but of mother in the paid labor force, by speaking not of stay at home wives but of women who work in the home. We can make the change to respect with financial recognition of each role, one getting salary and the caregiver getting tax benefits for care work, birth bonus, mat benefits, universal family allowance to age 18, pension benefits for the caregiving years. We can remove the assumed dependency of the role at home and give it its own dignity, reducing vitriole at time of marital breakup and reducing financial tension within a marriage too. Along the way we also end child poverty. Not a bad deal when you think of women's rights advancing but then women never did seek rights just for the sake of it - but because equality has an effect.  The care role matters to kids and society. Therefore we must value it.

I am not sure I agree with the implication of the last sentence of your article. Having lived in the US, as well as elsewhere, I don't agree that it is "abroad" where many women are "caught in the Betty Draper mould".  Largely, I think, due to the comparatively dismal work/life balance initiatives in most American paid work contexts, my experience of living there was that many more women there than elsewhere in the developed world are still trapped in the divided and stifling roles presented by the characters of "Mad Men" because the workforce is not made compatible with the lives of adult women. Paid maternity leaves would help change this.

it can be a control and power issue, it's my kitchen, my laundry, the household duties are mine mine mine, and I love it. I rule supreme, I am queen of the castle-ette, don't enter my kitchen without permission when I cook, it is all about me. follow my directions in the garden, he can have the yard, no interest in mowing. this is one area where I rock, I am the rock, I am solid. there is nothing wrong with a woman loving the role, I work outside the home also, but I will never give up my reign.

my hubby's work days are 10 to 16 hours long, he loves it, too.

:)

As the predominate cooker equal breadwinner in my same sex relationship, I have a broad definition for wife.

My wife would be the person that I share my life with.  It has nothing to do with who does the dishes or cleans up the bugs.

wife is a partnership that is closer than any other human relationship to another human.  of course to have a wife such as in this definition it takes 2 open hearted people.

I've been married for 13 years and think we're still figuring out what our different roles are.  We have three kids and I stay at home so we may seem to be more traditional.  My husband is an amazing man who recognizes how much work my non-work is and appreciates me and all that I do.

He also helps out with laundry, chores and childcare if he's not at work.  In the beginning of our marriage I would leave him with our kids when they were babies or go out long enough for him to recognize that a newborn baby poops 12x's a day and eats just as much and that a toddler can make any normal shopping trip a nightmare and that children in general mean that you will eat last, clean first and repeat yourself 80x's a day.  He got it. Early on he told me that he thought I had the harder job and he was thankful that I would put my aspirations on hold to do it out of love for the kids we created together.

Of course, as my kids began to get a little older I pursued my own passions and he supported me in that.  I get to still be at home for my kids but co-founded a nonprofit org that I am passionate about and love volunteering for. 

Whenever we let society or others define our roles we will be limited within them.  In order for husband and wife ( or husband & husband or wife & wife) to be happy the two have to look at each other and decide what works for them as a couple and as individuals.  They also have to reassess this whenever one or the other needs to.  This is what my husband and I do and there is no one on the planet I admire, look up to or appreciate more than my husband.  He feels the same about me and that makes it so we feel empowered to overcome and do anything.

In my opinion, husband and wife are just labels...

When I think of my girlfriend, I think of her as my partner in all things and as for division of labor...To me it aint an issue...We both do what needs to be done.

Of course, she gets to reign when it comes to physical intimacy but then that is as it should be.