Well spoken!

If we can expand our view of life and begin to accept we were NOT created for enslavement for the entertainment of "men" and we could begin to reject what the media feeds us--perhaps humanity would have a chance to heal and grow hand in hand.

Sometimes it does take hitting rock bottom, but it does not have to!  Sex is just one of our basic human survival need(s), obviously without it...the population ceases to exist (or does it???).  When women and their counterpart male companions, lovers, husbands, friends begin to realize there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING CASUAL ABOUT SEX and that women actually do have something between their ears...we can move forward.

Our grandmothers fought for our rights!  The rights to:  vote, speak, work, get an education, reclaim independence from "the white man," who IMHO has held humanity down as he raped / pillaged / stole the heart and soul of humanity. 

In the name of power?  Maybe.  Instant gratification?  Definitely!  Money?  For sure. Control? Of course.  It's all the same throughout history.  Change the faces, locations and prize, but the facts remain the same - sex is the one thing that women have that men want.  They want it...and they will get it.  Legally or otherwise, because they can. 

Powerful women like Hillary Clinton are more likely to become the punch line of sexual jokes than their male counterparts even when being considered for President.  Since men will always want sex (and many feel as if they are entitled to sex) I think women need to recognize that it is all the more important that we do not allow men to control us through sex or to make us feel that we are not important individuals if we don't have sex.  When women refuse to be objectified by men (and themselves), society will adjust accordingly.  It always does.

I agree with this, completely. Women should not be afraid to embrace their sexuality, in any regard. This does not make them promiscuous, or any other derrogatory term that is commonly (and erroneously) attributed to women in this way. On the contrary, exploring and fulfilling one's own sexual desires, in a way that is safe and healthy, is simply part of being human. Men do this (often excessively) and most often will not experience the same stigma some women will. This is an injustice, but as time progresses, we're seeing this stigma slowly erode into irrelevance, and that's the way it should be. 

And I agree women should put their own needs, including sexual desires, before men's. Any individual, man or woman, should put their needs first. There are only a few expceptions, for example if you are in a commtted relationship and choose to satisfy your partner out of love or generosity. However, I believe if this is to occur it should go both ways. If a woman goes out her way to satisfy her partner, her partner should do the same, maybe even to a greater extent, and vice versa. The same applies to same-sex couples. 

In response to these other comments, I agree that women can be brilliant, funny, powerful, etc., and when it comes down to it both men and women are equally capable of being all three. I try to judge every individual differently, on their own merrits and character.

As far as Hilary Clinton, it's true some men (who were genuinely being sexist) mocked her while running for President. This is not something I partaked in. On the contrary, I voted for Hillary Clinton during the Democratic Primary. Once she lost the primary and I began to learn more about Barack Obama, I began to support his candidacy, and the more I learn about him, the more I see the direction this country has gone since he was elected, the more I support him, his administration, and policies in general.

But I digress, as far as casual sex is concerned, I think it all depends on the mentality of the individual. Women tend to see sex more emotionally then men, however I have seen more younger women, women of my generation, who partake in casual sex frequently and have no misgivings about it. I've observed a common pattern: the more physically attractive or outgoing a woman is, the more she is accustomed to being hit on by men, the easier it is for her to find companionship, the easier it is for her to enjoy the physical aspects of sex without always attaching emotional significance to it. This is not always the case, but is something I see happening more often now than ever. I am not advocating casual sex, but I do not personally see anything wrong with it, so long as it is consentual and both parties are emotionally stable and capable of either dealing with or avoiding entirely any of potential emotional consequences. These issues, like nearly every issue, is not a simple black & white, yes or no decision. There are various shades of grey, pros & cons, generalities, and factors specific to the individuals involved.

I think the Esquire article takes a narrow view of female sexuality and plays into familiar myths about female vs. male sexual desire. The tone of this article smacks of  "prude or prostitute" dichotomy. The way that women like Secretary Clinton are portrayed, simultaneously esteemed and demonized as a "frigid" career woman who shies from her sexuality as she climbs the career ladder is so weak. It seems that we are often unable to address female sexual desire in a serious manner without perpertuating the same tired stereotypes. Most harmful of all, the stereotype that men want sex more than women. We accept this like it's biological fact, and it's just NOT TRUE.

And right on, Evie: "sex is power" because of our heteronormative society and our complicity within it. The "female chuavinist pig" phenomenon of "fucking like men" only means we've sat down at the poker table and starting playing the same dirty, dangerous game men have been playing that doesn't benefit anyone involved. We didn't change the rules of the game and we still deal with the same stigmas, stereotypes, silences, and secrecies. I think that is the fatal flaw of the sexual mini-revolution during the last couple decades.

Great post, Jen. You make some fabulous points. I particularly loved this from the article you referenced: Brilliant, funny, and powerful women are retreating from sex as never before, and if you don't believe it, take the curious case of Liz Lemon. The most complicated and intelligent woman in television comedy barely ever has sex...

I think the "sex is power" idea is true in the sense that owning your own sexuality is power. Once a woman has figured out what the game is, they can make their own rules. Regardless of the rules, she must stick to them. Knowing what you want (both in and out of the bedroom), THAT is truly empowering.

Sex is definitely power, and frankly, I think women have always had that power--as many a comedian has pointed out, women have the p***y (not to put too fine a point on it), which gives them a certain power over men, be they true gentlemen/gentle men or unwashed barbarians (unfortunately the case for far too many of my co-genderians [which may or may not be a real word--I've just made it one] since time out of mind).  And it's a power struggle, because men want that power; what we have to realise is that we, as men, have never really had it.  A woman's threat to "cut off" her man (i.e. from the source of that power, and many of you ladies will know exactly what I'm talking about) is far more meaningful than a man's threat to "cut off" his woman--most of you can go a long time without needing the services of a man, whereas most men find themselves unable to manage without sex for too long.

I guess in that way, I agree with Sara Halperin's comment--most particularly that women can make their own rules, and in so doing, must stick to them (which means making their men toe the line as well).  Men seeking this same power need to learn to control their sex drives, i.e. to know when it's appropriate to consider a woman as a potential sex partner and when to turn it off entirely...in essence, to play the game by women's rules and thinking like women.  It's a rare man that can manage to do this.

Dear Jen N. and all,

Like the fallacy of the IQ test as an indicator of intelligence that would grade 98% of Americans retarded on the deep Amazon IQ test for survival (not that any of the testees would make it back home alive) the material that states:

"Overall women's feelings were more negative than men's. 80% of men had overall positive feelings about the experience [casual sex] compared to 54% of women."

is just plain spinning stupidity into info-static-disinformation.

i will start with two ideas for the premise of the above statement:

1)   Men have a tendency toward a more catch-and-release posture toward sexual activity -----  penis orgasm achieved then off to la la land for a snooze.    Slam-bam-thank-you-Mam modus operandi  mind set. 

Therefore, due to the setup for failure it is brainless to assert that 80% men liked and 54% female liked when the failure setup for pleasure was rigged from the start.  

What sensible woman wants to have sex with "Ro-Bo-Joe who only has enough brain cells to know when ejaculation has occurred then back to brain-dead social oblivion.

2)  Women (i assert along with the many wonderful partners i've had the pleasure to participate with) have a world more based on splendid EROTICA.

As is said in Russia and other countries,
"Men fall in love with their eyes.  Women fall in love with their ears."   
Be that as it may, women are much more refined in their sexual repertoire than are men.

Men's penises are a limited function tool, urine, ejaculation, orgasm.   Not a lot of need(the mother of invention) or incentive to delve into the gear workings deeper.

By contrast women's bodies are an integrated palace of interconnected stimulus's.  
Nipples cause uterine contractions, sphincter muscles, perineum sensitivity, vaginal birth, labia, and very interestingly the clitoris to name a few that are all like the rhythms of a beautiful harp in their intensity and interplay.

And interestingly as alluded to above, the clitoris seems to have one straight forward purpose --- PPlleeaassuurree ....

Therefore, women's enjoyment of refined sexual experience is 110% and lazy mens' enjoyment  of refined sexual activity is 13% because most are too lazy and stupid to learn how to dance the dance.

At the end of the day, women must pronouncedly re-assert their ownership of their sexuality and demand the sexual education of men be brought up to muster.

Sex is not power,   sex is pleasure.   Power is the greed in weak peoples sense of control and who has more.

Sex is pleasure in every velvet inch of the human instrument of skin, silky fluid, eyelash kiss to the clitoris, and humming lung vibrations that echoes one to the other in the ballet of the prettiest most exciting improvised waltz/tango ever to actuated by a woman and a man who hear, see, and feel each other.   And this only tickles the surface of a woman's erotic ocean.

Therefore at the end of the evening as the sun begins to rise and she and he are spent of energy (though the experience hasn't even ended there because the receptors of a woman rarely sleep)......
the experience is not about power it is about sexual education where the woman has a reference base that the men need to learn.

Issues of power are for the misguided hypnotized fools.

Sex is for the refined artists of pleasure.

May women take the initiative and teach as they did in the temples before the great demonization occurred and once again teach the pleasures and divinity of the male female principle.

Frederic Starchenkovenner

Thanks for the feedback Frederic - you should probably write the the authors of the article from Science Daily if you think this statistic is stupid or misinformed:

"Overall women's feelings were more negative than men's. 80% of men had overall positive feelings about the experience [casual sex] compared to 54% of women."

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/06/080625092023.htm

Beyond that, I like your concept that sex is pleasure, not power - it's a good way to look at it. In the article above, I am trying to suggest that the power one draws from sex should never be power over another individual, but rather power within themselves to appreciate their own sexuality and not allow someone to denigrate it or abuse it.