Love My Booty
Published March 02, 2009 @ 01:46PM PT
I began my love-hate relationship with my body when I was in the 5th grade.
I was the only Black girl in a all-White private school. I grew up in a Black neighborhood. At home, I was surrounded by beautiful Black women. But when I went to school, I felt completely alone.
Every day, I would compare my body to the White girls in my class. My breasts had developed sooner than some of the girls, but more importantly, my rear end was much bigger, even at ten years old. I remember feeling ashamed to the point where I wanted to be a White girl. White girls were skinny. White girls had blue eyes. White girls had small behinds. White girls were pretty.
One day, as I sat in the breakfast nook in my family's kitchen, I asked my mother, "Mommy, why am I fat?" She looked up from the stove in amazement. "Why do you say that?" She asked me. As tears began to stream down my face, I told her I was ashamed of my body. I told her all the white girls were skinny and I was not, and why couldn't I be skinny too?
She took a seat beside me and held my hand. My beautiful mother, with her almond shaped eyes and brown skin, told me that just because Black women were shaped differently didn't mean that we were any less beautiful. It didn't mean God loved us any less. "It just means that you are beautiful in your own special way," she said.
I can't say that learning to embrace my Black female body is easy. As a single Black woman living in DC, it is a daily struggle. The story of Saartjie Baartman, who was nicknamed the "Hottentot Venus," comes
to mind. In the 18th century, Saartjie was kidnapped by British imperialists and locked in a cage, paraded as a circus freak show because of the size of her read end. Her story is reincarnated every time I deal with street harassment, with men's unwanted touching on my ass and breasts in a nightclub, with inappropriate comments from White men about my body while in college.
My story is not that much different from many other Black women. We are often taught at a early age to be ashamed of our bodies. By the mainstream media, we are taught that the Black female body is overtly sexual and therefore something that should be shunned and covered up. By some rap artists, we are told to "back that ass up."
Embracing the Black female body starts at home. Black girls need to be taught how to love their own bodies, and the ways in which a man or woman who is interested in dating them should treat them. They need to learn the difference between admiration and harassment.
And it takes the courage to grow and to explore the depths of our beauty. I had to grow to a point where I loved my shape so much that I wanted to take care of it for myself. I had to finally say that yes, I
am beautiful, sexy, and fabulous. I began to take yoga, to dance, to wear that hot sweater dress with the hot stillettos one friday night. I looked in the mirror and admired my big butt, my thick hips and
thighs. But it first started by remembering my mother's words: we are beautiful in our own way.
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Comments (10)
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Author
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Loryn is a native of Los Angeles, California. While attending The George Washington University, she founded the Black Women's Forum, a discussion series for African-American female students. She is pursuing a career in media relations and has worked on media and communications campaigns for Microsoft, MGM MIRAGE, and the Service Employees International Union. Her personal blog, Black Girl Blogging, explores women and girls' advocacy, black society and leadership, and the 2008 presidential election. Loryn is passionate about public service, women and girls' rights, hip hop, and Womanism. A self–proclaimed foodie, Loryn loves to cook and to try new restaurants. She also enjoys music, art, basketball, and reading.
Wonderful words for any woman to live by. I never had all the junk in the trunk look growing up lol...I had the breasts. And those scandalous men love them too. When I was in high school, I hated to go to gym class...having to do those jumping jacks...breasts just a bouncing around to the chagrin of all those adolescent boys. How embarrassing. But now of course, now as an adult I'm in a love hate relationship with my body. Waaaay overweight trying to lose these last 40 pounds, but my BF thinks I'm sexy and loves me as I am. On some days I can't say the same...but I figure as long as I never give up the fight to battle the bulge...that's half the battle of loving my soul's package....
Posted by ZETA ZEN on 03/02/2009 @ 03:50PM PT
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I can certainly relate to this issue; my problem is mostly with my hair. Sometime ago I came across the video "A Girl Like Me". It is the 2007 "Doll Test," the first test was performed in the 1950's. More than 50 years later black girls still believe that the white doll is pretty while referring to the black doll as unattractive! After watching the video I felt sad and ashamed because for the first time I realized that I subconsciously dislike 'nappy hair,' my hair. I could blame society or various reasons that I feel this way but it all comes back to me and my perspective- 'nappy hair is unattractive’.
It has been almost a year since I have last permed my hair. Since then to manage my hair I have resorted to braids, curling it straight or pulling it back in a ponytail. I usually receive the most compliments when it is braided and none at all when it is pulled back especially if I do not use hair gel. I would prefer to wear my have blown out but I am afraid of what others may say if I walked up in a place with the, 'I'm black and I'm proud fro,' as my husband calls it. I often imagine one day being bold enough to sport my fro as I am still learning to love my hair with naps and all. As I grow comfortable with my "new hair", I pray that God will grant me the confidence to me.
Posted by Rita P on 03/04/2009 @ 04:10PM PT
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It's funny how the grass is always greener on the other side. I know so many hippie white women who have done their best to train their hair into locks, despite its obvious straight blondness. Many of us dye it black or get perms to make it curlier, or put it in lots of little braids. I remember pushing on my nose when I was in middle school, trying to make it flatter and wider. All races of women (men too? not sure) suffer this awful self-judgement pertaining to beauty. When all's said and done, though, the most beautiful people I know are the ones who shine forth without thinking about their appearance at all.
Posted by Diane Rose on 04/04/2009 @ 12:45AM PT
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lovin ur body is good b/c when you do not it is hard on everybody else.
Posted by Shonte Phillips on 05/08/2009 @ 08:49AM PT
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i love your article it is so true. i think all females deal with issues of their body.
Posted by SLim Brown on 05/08/2009 @ 09:04AM PT
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Honey, your article is the story of my life! I'm half-white and half-Cherokee American, with a bit of African-American mixed in somewhere...I attended schools with mostly all-white girls, and when I went through puberty, I had a rough time. I went from no boobs to being a 36B overnight, and became pretty curvy. I had the hardest time looking in the mirror and not thinking or feeling like I wasn't fat. I was 5'1" and 129 pounds, but to me, I was a whale.
I struggled with eating disorders off and on since I was 12, and the hardest was when I was pregnant. I'm 23 now, and I had an epiphany a few months ago when I saw a picture of Serina Williams and thought her body was beautiful--I'm still a little weird about my weight, but I decided that I'd rather be strong and beautiful than be a girl who was starving practically half the time. I'm 134 pounds and I've learned to accept my curves as the great thing they are!
(At least I look pretty damn great in a tank top and jeans, lol)
Posted by Lashawn Chillious on 05/22/2009 @ 02:02PM PT
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I am not originally from the US (though I've been living here for almost 6 years), and frankly I find the concept of race in this country strange.
I say this because I have made friends of all races, and I had an interesting learning experience after I mentioned to one of my black female friends that I thought it would be very beautiful if she would let her hair grow out in a fro-ish way like Erikah Badu. She gave me a weird stare and proceeded to explain the repercussions thatwould have (regarding her image) in her family and community. I was perplexed... but who am I to challenge that if she thinks that? It's obviously something very personal I had trouble getting my mind around.
After reading this article, however, it's starting to make a bit more sense. Still, everyone should love themselves, and I believe there's nothing wrong with all of our differences.
Lol, I just rememberd she gave me another weird look when I mentioned we should go to the lake and get a tan. In El Salvador, at least among my friends and family, getting a tan is considered to be very healthy and beautiful, regardless of how brown or light you are, so I tried to transfer that mentality over here, unsuccessfully. I still think we all look better with a tan.
Posted by Juan Portillo on 05/27/2009 @ 04:37PM PT
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Amen. Everyone's beautiful in his/her own way!
Skinny isn't all it's cracked up to be anyway. I had read a survey done for one of the supermarket check out magazines once (maybe Cosmo?) that said in an interview of single men, men said they preferred a woman with some meat on her to a woman who is too skinny. One of the reasons they gave is physical activity -- it said guys don't want to go hiking, play basketball or start a volleyball game with a girl who looks like she could snap in half during the activity. Curves are not only beautiful, they're more appealing. :)
Posted by Christine Clarke on 06/02/2009 @ 07:20AM PT
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Hi Loryn, I've got the flip side for you. I was the only white girl in an all black school until I got into jr. high and I *hated* my hair, because it couldn't do all the amazing things (like stay in braids without rubber bands) my friends' hair could. Body hatred goes along with being an adolescent girl pretty much, doesn't it, but my Greek/Russian heritage meant that I've always had a generously sized rear end, too. (The skinny white girls' skinny white ancestors were all from northern Europe, I think!) But I will *always* be grateful for the day (when I was already in college) that one of my co-workers at a cafe who was Black told me I had nothing to worry about, I was "built like a sister." That's the first time I ever thought having a waist two sizes smaller than my behind might be sexy. Or at least ok! Not long after that I stopped wearing huge t-shirts over my jeans, and, er, I haven't looked back.
Posted by Nastasya Phillipson on 08/10/2009 @ 04:46PM PT
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P.S. Another miracle cure: Lucille Clifton's "Homage to my Hips"!
Posted by Nastasya Phillipson on 08/10/2009 @ 04:48PM PT
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