I think this study is somewhat true. As they say that "life begins at forty" for men. And women matures early than men.

How can women be happy or feel fullfilled when even with all the advancements theyve made, we still have misogynistic male chauvinists trying to keep them beaten down ?

I read Maureen's column yesterday and was rather annoyed she responded so demurely.

One point came up that I've never really seen discussed before:

"Across the happiness data, the one thing in life that will make you less happy is having children," said Betsey Stevenson, an assistant professor at Wharton who co-wrote a paper called The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness. "It's true whether you're wealthy or poor, if you have kids late or kids early. Yet I know very few people who would tell me they wish they hadn't had kids or who would tell me they feel their kids were the destroyer of their happiness."

I feel like I should have heard more about this little factoid. And if it is true, it seems to prove that "happiness" is the wrong measurement, or it is being interpreted different by men and women. Jen, I really like your redefinition of the issue in terms of fulfilment. It seems not only a more worthy measurement but also a more feminist approach.

If we can agree on an assumption that women are more intuitive than men, and given that they are the childbearers, I believe we also have to factor in the zeitgeist (spirit of the times) in determining how happy women are about bringing children into the world at a given time in world history.  A woman giving birth during the 2nd World War would have been uncomfortable about it to say the least.

Young people (teenagers) are a great happiness indicator, carrying the new zeitgeist emotionally.  My house is central station for a steady stream of young people and they are unusually subdued.  When I was their age, happiness was dependant on whether or not I knew the latest Beatle lyrics, they have valid concerns about the future on a global scale.  In order to speak deeply to them, I did a Mental Health First Aid Course.  We saw graphs of depression by year.  It wasn't highlighted by the fascilitator, but I certainly made some connections.  Depression escalated during the Cold War, Cuban Missile Crisis, the Gulf War, on and on.

Just saying ... we can't discount the homogenous cosmic soup we all live in.

Feminism is such an all-consuming and ubiquitious phenomenon, I would find it difficult to "blame" for this kind of result.  I suspect men are happier because they no longer have total responsibility for income and big decisions, they have equal (or more closely equal) partners, and they are allowed a far greater range of expression.  I don't find it impossible to suspect women may be less happy because they expect more...an attitude linked to success and ambition, but not always "happiness".  As a father, I don't mind if my children are a little more self-demanding and ambitious, even if it reduces content happiness.  The world would be better off if we were less content and more driven to change things for the better.  Kudos to the women who demand more.

Jen--oh hell yeah, happiness is not as great as it's cracked up to be!!!  Excuse me for getting a little cynically furious re MUCH ado about nothing all over again...BUT...look, the pronouncements against feminism haven't stopped since, uh, I think the 80's!  Or maybe it was the 20's!  I say, not only don't buy into this anti-feminist propaganda, but also don't even waste a brain cell on it.  I'm not criticizing you, Jen, for writing about it, but I am saying that, as an older sister, this crapola is OLDER than the hills propaganda crapola.  As candidate Obama used to advise campaign staffers:  "Keep your head down and your attention focused on your work.  Don't pay attention to all the brouhaha.  It's only there to distract you from achieving your goal."  I stand with candidate Obama on that one...don't let this bullshit slow down our movement.  I HAVE SPOKEN

In twenty-nine pages of summary, and fourteen pages of tables and figures, the original report seems fairly rigorous. But I think any study of the present lacks the value of hindsight. To think we can judge the value of the changes we are going through right now is just hubris. Certainly we can notice trends, but as Jen has said in this blog, and others in the comments, the value of happiness may be only one single feature of human flourishing. Remember that the "great-souled person" who represented the pinnacle of happiness for Aristotle was an aristocratic male who had time to create and recreate himself after a model of moderation that we couldn't possibly shoehorn our current selves into. 

I think a good starting point is to stop blaming men for everything.

You state:

"But don't let some man tell you that's all life is about. Because we all know, it's about a lot more than that."

Duh. You've conveniently left out the fact that the study that was cited in the HuffPo article, "The Paradox of Declining Female Happiness", is written by a woman.

The crux of the issue is what you have pointed out: that PEOPLE, not just one gender or another, look outside themselves for happiness. They wrap their whole self-image in their jobs, their families, their income, their race, their gender or their favorite sports teams, not once looking INSIDE for the source of real happiness and fulfillment. The divisiveness that you yourself help to perpetuate does none of us any good. I would also go as far as to say that those that are employed in the media have a large part in the general malaise that we all feel in this country as being totally, utterly and completely sick and tired of this or that ideologue or demagogue posing as media pundits creating and fomenting polarization in American society. Constantly bombarded by messages that "we all suck" is going to take the wind out the sails of millions of people. How about writing about how men and women can get over themselves, stop the pity parties, tie up the drama llamas to the hitching posts and learn how to resepct each other as human beings? Respect between any two groups is a two way street, and that's the kind of REAL "change" that millions of Americans are hoping for.

I, as a monority male, don't have the luxury of blaming everything in my life that's "wrong" on "the white man", when in reality, you, as an educated and successful white woman, have more opportunities in life than I do. Kind of puts things into perspective, don't you think? There is ALWAYS "somebody else" that has it better than you, so why not just enjoy what you have?

The point is that I won't succumb to the arrogance of blaming others when I as a human being have the ultimate control over what constitutes my happiness, and that is an ability that all of us have. The difference in your opinion and mine is that I don't look at just one small facet of a person, instead, I look at a whole person.

In my work as a psychologist I have found that women come in fairly often thinking that they have an anger problem, and that their marital problems would all go away if they didn't.  When I get them to talk what they are angry about, however, they invariably describe how both she and he work out of the home all day, but at the end of the day, they come home and while he watches the news or takes a snooze in front of the TV, she is making dinner, feeding kids, giving baths, putting them into bed and cleaning house.  Men help out some, but women, at least in the admittedly biased sample I see, are still doing most of the in-home work.  Men are only too happy to have the added income, however.  

Women's liberation has been great about getting women out into careers.  But it doesn't work very well for them if they have to come home and do all the work, too.  I think they then begin to question whether it wouldn't have been nicer to be able to stay home full time like their moms did.

The grass is always greener somewhere else.  Personally, I think careers were a bit over-idealized by women of the 60s who fought to get out into the work world and "be creative." Now they're finding out that no responsibilities are easy or without tedium.   Perhaps there is a bit of disillusionment.

I'm not sure I get the difference between happiness and fulfillment, myself.   

Who was the sample population used to acquire this data?  When Cher Hite was commissioned by Playboy to do a study of female sexuality, she sent out at least a few hundred (forgot how many our prof said) and she only got back 24, hardly a representative sample for an entire gender.  What was the research methodology and who funded it?

Ahhh..Ms. Olsen......I couldn't agree with you more as what you describe has been my own experience and what I've been saying for years.  All Women's Lib has gotten us is MORE WORK !  Misogyny has gone underground, it's alive and well, just look at the female images in main stream media. I am afraid for my 9 y/o daughter who watches the Disney channel, there are no strong capable girls, just a bunch of floosies grind dancing their way to fame, obsessed with clothes, breasts and butts hanging out all over the place living superficial lives.  The guys are still at it, porn is booming, strong messages that this is all they want from us..........strong women frighten them.  Yes, most guys haven't gotten it yet.  The level of hostiliy toward women hasn't improved, even when we have to work side by side with them and they know one income doesn't do it anymore.  Sorry Jen, I assume you're still a somewhat young woman who's essentially taken for granted how hard women's rights were to achieve and you don't have a clue what the cost has been and continues to be.  The guys are fighting back with aggression and dominance on many levels.  Why do women have to act like guys to be respected?  Yet when we do we're called a "bitch"?  Double standards are alive and well........Hillary Clinton, Sara Palin and even Michelle Obama.......all crucified by the media for being strong.  My guess why womens happiness is falling?  You're told at young ages you can be and do whatever you want but by the time you hit 40 or so, you realize your disillusioned and that not much has really changed................oh yeah, we can vote. 

Okay, I'm going to make myself real unpopular and say that I agree that this study may have some truth to it, and also, I agree that it may have something to do with the feminist revolution.

The problem, however, is *not* that women are working. The problem is that in households where women work, women are *still* expected to care care of "feminine" duties like cooking, cleaning, taking care of children, etc. We've changed to a society that expects women to have a certain set of duties to a society that rather than saying "you can have traditional female roles, or you can have a career, or you can split both 50-50 with your significant other" to "you can be a housewife or you can be a housewife AND have a career." Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying there aren't any households where men don't take on chores/taking care of the kids etc., but it seems like by and large men are unwilling to take on these duties in the household. I remember reading an article (I think it was nytimes, I've unfortunately lost the link) that said that even in households where men had lost their jobs and women continued to work, men *still* didn't take on their share of the housework (arguably all of it in this situation) and would essentially sit on the couch doing nothing.

We need to get to a point where two people in a relationship can each work half the time and take care of the home half the time, or the male of the household can take on female duties without feeling "unmanly." Until then, I think we're going to get a situation where women feel (rightfully) like the more put-upon, stressed-out members of society.

I don't think most of the married men I know are very happy. The single ones seem to be extremely happy. I wonder if there's a study on that? It would be interesting to find out.

From a practical standpoint, it is easy to see why women would be considered less happy than men. The reasons for this have been well stated by 'Pamela' 'Katherine' and 'Deborah'. I can certainly add my endorsement here. I have lived it, am living it, and it makes you crazy sometimes. However, I believe that I am much 'happier' (perhaps 'content' is a better word) than my husband, and it has nothing to do with how much work you do or how much responsibility you have, but rather being able to live up to your potential and believing that you are making a difference in people's lives. This realization is not something I have come to in my twenties. Happiness in my twenties was getting good grades and graduating with honors, and getting a good job. That, however, was the beginning of maximizing my potential. Having children does not set you back in that regard, it just opens up an entirely new world of possibilities for accomplishment. My happiness centered around taking the best possible care of my children and helping them reach their potential, enjoying immensely their milestones. When they have major setbacks, it becomes a stress indicator, but I wouldn't label it as sadness vs happiness. I honestly do not think women actually label themselves as being happy or sad for the most part. I really think, as I have stated above, that it is more a matter of being 'satisfied' with the outcome. Because men do not generally express emotions (I know this to be true from the men in my life), they would not readily be able to identify whether they are genuinely happy or not. Although when asked, I think they would say, "well, I guess so" - not exactly an affirmative. I am not happy all the time, and I know the things that make me very unhappy, but I could not label myself one or the other in general.

How do you define happiness??  As a psychotherapist for nearly 30 years and an author of an upcoming book on a related topic on turning points in women's lives, I can tell you this is one question that will NEVER have the same answer.  Hence, how can we measure it accurately? 

I might add, I'm generally a very happy person, but, like anyone else (woman or man) I've had my days.  The take away message for me:  It's a very personal road to happiness with unexpected detours along the way.  Let's not get too caught up in someone's definition of how we measure our own happiness. 

Nice blog Jen. 

With some people who have a tendency to display multiple personalities within seconds of each other, it may be difficult to know which of the "people" are being happy and which ones are lurking behind the smile.

 THere are a couple of issues I haven't seen raised, but may have some bearing on the results (assuming accuracy for the sake of argument)

1) In 1970, women were just starting to have freedom they never had before, and were extremely optimistic about the future.  At the same time, men's roles (and the masculine image) was under attack.  It may very well be that the odd number out were those of 1970, not today.  Perhaps, during that blip, women were unusually optimistic and happy, and men were unusually pessimistic and unsure of the future.

2) The sexual revolution has, to a great degree, played into what we might consider stereotypical male sexuality.  Sex is easier, sex comes younger, sex is more divorced from relationships and commitment- there is far more peer pressure today for young girls to have sex, while in 1970 virginity was still admired.  Along with this has come an explosion of pornography and general sexualization of media.  All of these trends, I believe, play strong roles in girls' self-image and self-respect.  I also think the commonality of divorce (and greater threat in a marriage) stresses women  more than men...though I think divorce itself likely hurts both equally.

I don't believe that blaming men is useful-and anger certainly doesn't breed understanding and positive change generally.  Saying things like "men are still at it" and "the guys are fighting back with aggression" just serves to develop an Us vs Them atmosphere that alienates the men who are commited feminists.

I think you're onto something right there Gordon, last paragraph.  Blaming the other takes away from looking at our part in it.  There is a women's part, and that's being the "enabler".  I "enabled" a dysfunctional relationship that looked much more like an arrangement I somehow made to cover someone's @ss.  He has not forgiven me for realizing that wasn't my role in life, and walking away from the arrangement.  If he ever gets over that hurdle, he won't need his @ss covered to begin with.

"Good one Turk.  That explains everything ..."                  Glad I could help. When you have a gift like mine, it needs to be shared.

"Guys have it good, why change?"      I'd like to visit your planet, it sounds really cool !

All in all, there is no "divorce"...there is only an embittered rivalry separated by geography that leaves kids in the debris of disallusionment and economic chaos. Few have ever been happier after divorce, staying marrried may be a good starting point to avoid being unhappy.

Or I'm completely wrong and live on a different planet...

Not a different planet Turk, a different time.

"when you've given up major parts of yourself to keep a marriage together for the sake of the kids, you'll have a clue,"    I had no idea how well you knew me, let's do quiche! Although the misandry of "women are the glue of society" is masterful in it's unintentional parody, I think I agree with your larger point (and, in fact, was trying to make the same point) there is little gained in dissolutions of marriage. I do need to look into getting a man-cave though...

Oceania - you can't just parrot what Deborah says, it makes you look unoriginal. BUT, come to think of it, I'm not original either....okay, go ahead...

I was just listening to one of the remaining Polynesian Elders talking about navigation.  It's a culture built around canoes and the sea.  He is one of the last to have been trained to be a traditional navigator (no instruments).  He said "When there are no navigators, there are no men"

Perhaps we've lost our ability to navigate the sea of hubris, and I think that's particularly true of men.  When they can learn to navigate again, we might all be happier for it.

OK Turk, humor works......to a point.  I make a great quiche but I won't serve it in a man-cave..........my rules. 

I hear wisdom in Oceania's comments.....as I believe much damage has been done to the male psyche as it relates to women's lib. Men have lost their way(s).....chivalry is dead, honor is gone, dedication is an outdated word.  I am afraid for my son and my daughter in terms of MSM images of who they should be.  Guiding them to find themselves from the inside out is proving to be the challenge of my life.

So Turk, go get married.......it'll be the journey of your life !  You're beliefs will challenged to the depths of your soul (if you can get there).....and hopefully, when you can see not only your own soul, but someone elses, you'll realize what I already know, there's no difference between any of us.............

"So Turk, go get married.......it'll be the journey of your life ! "

As long as I can keep my hot pockets and x-box !  Kidding....besides, you should only recommend marriage to people you don't like...as a diabolical plan to get revenge on them.

Waterboarding is more humane than marriage. Infact, I would rather participate in waterboarding innocent nuns than attend another wedding.

Back on point, happiness is related to the ability to focus on things outside yourself.

Counter wisdom with hubris, I rest my case. 

Most of us know that so many issues, poverty, sustainability, homelessness, genocide, can ONLY be alleviated by the empowerment of women.  Pretty scary, it goes against our conditioning. 

Having one of each gender of children I can say from observation that girls come in singing and dancing, full of spark and enthusiasm for life.  Same for boys.  This didn't happen in our case, but I believe the mantle of defense against the jungle out there is handed on to boys early.  They learn how to put on the armour, usually from their dads.  They get inducted to hubris.  Perhaps they are happier at the end to finally breathe out and leave the world they created.  Perhaps for women, the paradigm is "after all my efforts here, nothing much has changed.  Epic fail"

Again, the most powerful tool we have is the power to choose our reaction to circumstances. "A life focused on personal victimization is the soft slavery of self-protection" (Turk Fowler 2009)...and other motivational-poster-stuff....

Agreed Turk,  there are no victims, only willing participants.  A tough pill to swallow....but worth the effort.  Choice, we always have, conditioning (thank you Oceania), another beast to slay.  The difference being what resides in our heads vs our hearts.  The longest and most frightful journey we make is from our heads to our hearts ( hence women are inherently stronger), thinking vs feeling, something some men can't deal with, too vulnerable of a place to be.  So if it appears women are slaves to our own self-protection, so be it.......and no, I agree, we don't have to choose victimization, more often than not, it's chosen for us, as physicality is usually the deciding factor when the dominator can't win any other way. Sigh.................

"So if it appears women are slaves to our own self-protection, so be it......."   Nyet (I picked up a little russian watching all of those James Bond movies us guys like), I think people should avoid being a slave to their own self-protection....whether its chicks or dudes. Self-protection is a denial of the reality that there is more to life than our own personal wants.

Scary thought #2 - the endless loop of identifying superiority to 'gender'/sex is in itself a denial of equality and an acquiescense to its politicization (eventually making individual liberty and self-determination subservient to the state/corporate). 'Superior' identitifiers are not rooted in genitalia, political affiliation, ethnicity, religion, etc. What makes anyone superior to another is their commitment to principled decency and defiant curiosity...and their affiliation with the NFL team I like.

Don't sigh, Deborah, you sound curious enough to eventually question the prevalent dogma and I bet you're committed to decency...and I bet you're a Bears fan, too! Win ,Win ,Win!

Scary thought #3 You may come back next time as a woman.

"Scary thought #3 You may come back next time as a woman."

By 'woman' do you mean a Seahawks fan?

Without a doubt, happiness is a choice. Studies are never exclusive in which this is the end all be all.

It's an interesting thought to compare women in the U.S. and women in Europe. Through a generalization, I think that aging is looked down upon for women in the U.S. There's botox, plastic surgery and miracle diets all over. When I lived in Italy, age was embraced and beauty was relative and had nothing to do with age. Young and old women were embraced for their individuality and gregarious, yet indulgent lifestyle.

Society might aid in women not being happier as they age, but I think that it will not dictate my own happines as I age. With each time in my age (teenage years, 20's, 30's, etc.) I think there's something new to embrace and love. Why not focus on the growth and expansion we experience?

It's much worse for a woman who works at home. I hear the comment daily "you are home all day, you should do this stuff"...referring to household chores, finances, childcare, etc. As I have repeated back daily, just because I am home all day doesn't mean I'M NOT WORKING!!!

As a pipe welder by trade, I guess I might personify women's lib, but I got the job out of neccesity. I needed a man's wage; receptionist, cashier, pre-school teacher and waitress all fell far short of a living wage and I knew in order to get paid like a man I would have to work like a man. No problems there. I loved the work... until I got married and gave birth to my daughter.

Wow was it difficult to wake the baby up a 4 AM so I could start my 12 hour work day only to come home feed her, bathe her, dress her and put her to bed. I was lucky, my husband did laundry and dishes but usually no one cooked. We just didn't eat. I wanted my baby to have the best so I spent my lunch breaks pumping milk and feeling guilty for not being a good mother. I never even talked to the baby, I was so focused on getting the mechanics of each chore done, like a robot, a very exhausted robot. If she kept me up I was angry. I couldn't sleep in or take a nap. I HAD TO GO TO WORK.

Luckily, the economy took a dive, we downsized and now I'm home. So much better. Less self satisfaction, less positive feedback, but so much less stress and guilt. It was not an easy transition. Women in my generation were not trained in the art of homemaking so I have to learn as I go. My grandmother ran her home like a well organized and efficient business but she died when I was a child. Who can I learn that from now?

This story explains only one reason why some women might become less happy- the responsibility or working and caring for children but there are many others.

What about body image. They ideal women is somewhere around 21 years old, while guys are "hot" when they get older (ex. George Clooney). Grey hair on a man is a badge of respect, on a women it means she's past her prime. Childbearing was also much better to my husband's body than to mine.

Then there's menapause. Society considers every change that occurs durring menapause to be negative. You slow down, you gain weight, its harder to learn new things, your hormones change. Do men endure any equivalent change? As far as I know once they invented Viagra they fixed the only age related problem that might interfere with a man's happiness.

Also, there is our workplaces. In the trades and aged worker is respected for their knowledge (although this, too is changing for the worst). They are not expected to be quick and learn new things. They are expected to be wise and teach the things they already know. What is the dynamic in female dominated fields? Is wisdom and knowledge respected? Is old age and its effect on people tolerated even valued?

One more aspect that I can think of... They way we think. This is not exclusive, but in my experience men and women have a different approach to problems. Men tend to have the ability to quickly determine if it is within their ability or skillset to solve a problem. If it is they fix it (or put it on their list of things to fix). If it is not they stop worring about it. Women on the other hand consider it their responsibility to fix problems, whether or not they have the ability to affect change. I believe, as women, the broader our horizons get, the more we feel the resposibility to do. My husband often asks me why I worry about things I cannot change and I think to myself..."If the whole world were made of men how would anything of any real consequence ever get changed". My husband only worries about his own little piece of the world. As long as his family has a home and food he is happy. I wish it were that easy for me.

to be a feminist is not a "unhappy life."  if you are a feminist you don't care what people think of you, we care about EQUAL RIGHTS!  It is not the 50's anymore,  where women stay home and clean up after a husband and 2.5 kids.  in today's society some women are the breadwinners (thank Buddha.) and most women like bringing home the bacon.  ----- i dont think you can measure happiness, honestly. 

Men need to be better men so that women can be happier women.  That simple, so men should begin fixing this!

;)

Thought I'd share something interesting on our news tonight.  Australian Marie Claire magazine surveyed 5,000 women and discovered that yes, we want it all, but not all at the same time.  I can relate.  If we can expect changing our careers a number of times, then why not the biblical 'a time for every purpose'?  I'd be happy with that.

Who doesn't want it all?--all being relative.  Perhaps it's our all that keeps changing throughout life.  I think I am more inclined to change my "all" than my husband but that is just us.  I don't know if it's because I am a woman and he's a man.

I am a man who is ecstatic I'm NOT a woman!!  I can't even imagine what a pain it would be....childbirth ALONE is reason enough.  Plus having to wear all that make-up every day, messin with the hair for 20 min to an hour...the shoes....ouch, damn!  ...and having to shave ALL the time!

Seriously though, I believe it's hard to be a woman, men have it easier.  I think in general, women are expected to be able to DO more, juggle more things and do it well!  I am no expert so I may be WAY off in my thinking.  It's just how I see the world :)  

Who among us doesn't want to be happy? We will be happy if we choose to be happy. It is only a matter of setting our mind.I think women were created by God to complete the man and man will never be happy without them women.

There are many men who DO have to put on make-up, do their hair and well uncomfortable heels. In view of the growing Transgendered population, it is no longer easier to be a man.

Gotta go, my hot pocket blew up in the microwave...